And it is really a relief to say that. My super awesome days can be few and far between, in recent times. Although, I really reeeeally could use one of those super deep, super painful back massages tonight, just to get all these kinks and knots out. I don't have back problems, but (partially due to my height and posture, I'm sure) I do have a lot of trouble ever fully relaxing most of my upper body throughout the day, and so I'm just sort of used to this feeling of wishing I could have a massage every night. Anyway!
Today I:
- went to all my classes on time
- didn't have to conduct in Instrumental Conducting ;)
- went for a run completely around the school campus (in the MORNING O.o), about 2.3 miles in 20 minutes. Calves are slightly sore but nothing out of the ordinary
- had a hot shower in the middle of the day after running (I NEVER shower in the middle of the day)
- had three full meals at regular times!
- learned about the concerto grosso form in Form/Analysis (Form/Anal...lol)
- had a banana-nut Costco muffin for dessert after lunch while enjoying my fellow musicians' company
- felt more prepared for wind ensemble rehearsal than a fair number of my band-mates, which means I'm keeping on top of my practicing relatively well, though seeing that the bari sax part is almost always ten times easier than any other woodwind part, that really isn't that impressive haha
- messed around with some friends, logging back in to Myspace and friend requesting each other, and reading all our ridiculous old posts and comments and pictures from high school and before :P
- had delightful pizza for dinner from Costco with aforementioned friends
- got really pissed off at Halo 4 with my best gaming bud for several hours (in fact we enjoy doing this)
- generally felt really productive, and happy with where my life is
Arguably, this was one of the best days I've had in several months. I can now feel the regular late-/end-of-night introspection and analysis creeping into my brain though, so I figured I'd share it while it still lasted!
Now, not to be a Debbie-downer on all of that awesomeness...but having a day like this makes me remember things that it doesn't make sense for me to remember at this time. Why should enjoying myself, for once, force me to think about memories from the past that cut into the present like a knife through butter? It doesn't seem fair. This is the only explanation I've come up with so far: despite enjoying myself and having a great time, in my head, it still is not as good as the good times were with her. Before it all spiraled downhill, before she left for her grad program...Those seriously were the happiest days of my life. I've never loved, or been loved by, someone so completely and fully as I did/was during that first year, and this time I really don't know how I can truly move on with my life. It's been about 2.5 months since things were officially over between us. It wasn't a violent break up, or even particularly awful, I suppose, compared to a lot of stories I have heard. Hell, it was a goddamn mutual break up, despite the fact that at heart I most certainly did not want to let go, not then, not ever. The levels of commitment I had established in my mind and heart were just so huge and positive, and even, so I thought, unbreakable. But that all came crashing down in a matter of hours. I'm not going to go into that now. I don't disbelieve that I can handle explaining everything that happened, but I know that doing so will plunge my mind and heart back into every single emotion I experienced throughout the month of November, and that is something I'm simply not willing to do tonight.
Interjection....OH MY GOD I hate my eyelashes sometimes. No, make that on a very regular and frequent basis. It tends to make the women-folk happy that I have long pretty eyelashes, for whatever reason, but good lord they suck to deal with...I'd say at least three eyelashes fall into one of my eyes every single day. And if there's not a mirror around I will be prone to losing my shit. Ok. Now that's out of the way.
I think I'll stop talking about all of that right here. Partially for the previously mentioned reason, and also because this song just finished playing while I was writing this stuff about her, and I'd rather let something cheer me up a little than just get more sad about the fact that having a good day makes me sad.
On that note, I bid thee farewell. Allons-y!
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