Last Night (Tuesday)....

Hehe. It was definitely a very awesome evening ^_^

This is just gonna be a short blurb I think, because I felt that you all should know that I am really really happy right now, and when I think about it (the reason why I'm happy) I get pretty giddy inside :D

Why am I so giddy, you ask....Well wouldn't you like to know! For now that information is gonna be a secret ^_^ Partially because it's fun to keep a secret :P and partially because it needs to remain a secret for now. But I am pretty confident that soon you all shall know the source of my happiness!

There are those of you who will know what I am talking about; if you are one of those individuals, then I tell thee, things are going well! My mind isn't working against me at all, and I have no second thoughts about it, nor do I foresee any second thoughts arising in the future. This is good. I enjoy feeling this way!

Well that's all for now folks, TTFN!

Finally wrote some lyrics :)

I wrote down the idea for this song a few weeks ago, in my little Moleskine notebook, because at the time of devising this idea, I did not have time to formulate any proper lyrics or get in the mindset to do so in the first place. I was just inspired, so I wrote down the idea quickly and left it for a later time. This morning I felt like I was in just the perfect mood to begin writing the lyrics for this idea. I turned off my electronic devices for about 30 minutes, and this is what I came up with!

It's not quite finished, but definitely the majority of what I want is already there. If you have suggestions or constructive criticism feel free to comment! (You can comment anonymously, you know)

Sleep

Another day, same old way,

No different from the rest…

Cannot get the weight of my,

Life, off of my chest.

I’m still searching for peace,

But I’m still fighting that, war

I can’t leave well enough alone,

I don’t wanna be on my own

Suddenly quiet, serenity,

Restful, serenity…

-Chorus-

I sleep, for the very, first time

And I dream, of nothing at all

I sleep, the world becomes sublime,

And I wake up knowing,

This Is My Life!

I thought the world, was out to get me,

I never looked for the clues.

I’ve been so wrong, now I sing a song,

I see my skies so blue…

I was still fighting that war,

But now I’ve come back home

The light is shining,

And I find myself

-Chorus-

When I sleep, for the very first time

And I dream, of nothing at all

I sleep, the world becomes sublime,

And I wake up knowing,

This Is My Life!

AMAZING weekend!

This weekend was, quite simply, very very awesome and amazing! It really is nice for me to look back and realize I've been writing a lot about how awesome my days and activities have been, lately. Positive reinforcement is one of the best benefits of writing this blog :)

So to kick it off, Friday night with MBD was absolutely awesome, as I wrote about already. Then, on Saturday afternoon, my friend Shorty and I headed out for Magic Mountain! During the 4.5 hour car drive to the apartment of the friend at which we stayed, we had very long and in-depth talks about EVERYthing. It was really really good for both of us. I talked a lot about Dove, and I feel like I gained a lot of valuable insight into the way I've been dealing with the aftermath of that situation and how I am moving forward. Shorty is seriously JUST like me in the overly analytical aspect of how his brain works, and that makes it really easy for us to relate to each other. We also talked about his past relationships and current interests/"drama", lol, and about my current romantic interest. It is a damned small world!

Anyway, we had plenty of long, useful, insightful talks in the car, came up with a brilliant inside joke about how using chapstick prevents vampirism, then spent the late night hanging out with his friends. We got up at 8 the next morning (after accidentally waking up to my iPad's 7:00 alarm from the day before D:), and headed for the park. I had a free friend ticket for Shorty to use, and with my Discover card we were able to get into the park about 5 minutes early. We rode Tatsu, Apocalypse, and Scream all in short order within the first 1 hour, probably! We even got back in line for Scream afterward and got right back on the ride right away. So awesome. The rest of the day went a little more slowly, partly because the lines caught up with us and partially because we didn't want to overwhelm ourselves with too many rides in too short a time!

For most of Sunday, I was texting with MBD about all kinds of things, which was very entertaining and fun :) We made plans for tomorrow evening: I'm gonna cook up some breakfast for dinner, and we're gonna watch "a million YouTube videos" :D

Also, I'm seeing a very old friend today who is on a huuuge road trip across the whole country. I haven't seen her since 2003! So, this week is starting out pretty much awesome :)

TTFN!

Wellllllllllllll

I'll write another one today....Cause I had an amazing evening with my friend who came over, and she really deserves a good nickname but I'm having trouble devising one. Hmmmm...I don't know!!! Aha...Maybe, for now, I will refer to her as MBD. Which is an acronym for something that only she knows about because it was really just said in passing :P HaHA! I shall fool you all, and win the world for myself! *cough* Ahem...Um, I'm sorry. What was I saying? Oh, right-o!

MBD! So we had a fantastic time watching The Fourth Kind (we loved it, cause it is INTENSE--so suck it, haters!) and nomming on my delicious homemade mac n cheese! OM NOM NOM. Lol. I crack myself up. Then we played some games on teh Xbox, and she even enjoyed it despite her xbox-haterism!

So once again, another fantastic day and evening, ladies and gents, boys and girls, dogs and cats...? OH also, you, you very specific reader who will know who you are if you read this post: Saying TTFN does not make me gay! Hmph. TTFN is a Tigger thing, not a 90's thing. SUCK IT.

TTFN!

Priceless!

Semi-entertaining story here...So last night I worked until about 9:00, then after that Swizzle+Sparkle and I went to IN-N-OUT with a few other friends. After that we all went to their apartment, and basically just watched ridiculous YouTube videos until like 12:30 or something, then everyone left and I left soon after. The problem became apparent only after walking back to my apartment and arriving at the door...MY KEYS WERE NOT IN MY POCKET. First I called my roommate, but he was out of town for the night, not coming back until today around 3:00, he said. I promptly turned around and walked back to Swizzle+Sparkle's place, and told them my keys were missing.

I assumed for the most part that I must've left them inside my apartment when I left for work earlier after changing too quickly into my work clothes (though in 3 years I have only once left them inside, so that still seemed odd). It was possible, however, that they had at some point in the night fallen out of my pants pocket, because my khakis have fairly shallow pockets and when I'm sitting down stuff does tend to sprout legs and run away. We checked in the cushions of Swizzle+Sparkle's new couch, but they are not removable cushions and we didn't feel my keys in between any of them so they couldn't have been there. The only other places they could've fallen out were the chair I sat in at work, the chair at IN-N-OUT, or the seat my friend's car in which I rode to IN-N-OUT. My friend had already driven back home and gone to sleep so she wouldn't see my message asking to check her car until morning, I figured I wasn't sitting long enough at IN-N-OUT to go check, and I wouldn't be able to get back into that room at work until today. So I crashed at Swizzle+Sparkle's place for the night. Luckily I had no classes today because they were cancelled ^_^

Here's where it gets dumb... :P Swizzle went to class early in the morning, but Sparkle and I both stayed asleep until around noon I think because neither of us had classes. Then Swizzle came back home and played some Halo with me until his next class. When he sat down on the couch we heard a distinct jingle come from somewhere behind us (the couch is completely against the wall). I said briefly "Did you hear that? Caaaause it sorta sounded like keys" but we quickly dismissed that idea, partly because it seemed impossible that they were anywhere under the couch since the cushions are not removable, and partly because our game was about to start lol. Then he left for class again, and I got called to go help someone at work briefly so I had to go too even though I was wearing the same clothes as yesterday still. I checked all around that chair at work and my keys were not there, so naturally they had to be in my apartment. Well, I got back to Swizzle+Sparkle's apartment around 2:00 and had thought on the way over that I really should check the couch one more time. So I put my hand between the cushion and the end of the couch where I had been sitting, and OMG, there was a hole in the fabric seam right there that went right through to the bottom of the couch! I put my hand under the couch and bounced the fabric a little bit, and surrrre enough, jingle jingle. So to make the story of the struggles of retrieving my keys out of there short, Sparkle used her small hand to reach down and grab them. Aaaaand I had my keys back. From the one place they surely couldn't have been. -__- I have to thank Swizzle+Sparkle greatly for letting me crash there and eat breakfast...

Anyway! That's my story for today! Now I have to do a bit of tidying up the final touches of my apartment before a friend comes over this fine evening, so TTFN!

Bloggety Shmoggety

I've had those two fake words stuck in my head kinda all day so I figured I should use them as the title!

Today was awesome :D I got a Freebirds t-shirt using the points from my rewards card, and my burrito was also free! That was super awesome, I only had to pay for my soda! Then I spent around two and a half hours chatting it up with a pretty awesome person, and then I went and played Halo with Swizzle (lol...that's an awful nickname). Now I am gonna go to sleep soon after I finish this old episode of Doctor Who from 1963... O.O

Anyway! People can be fantastic :) On the other hand, people can be awful and irritating :P But not today! Today was all about the fantastic kind. Which made me happy. I'm still happy about it. That silly kind of happy that might make you a bit dilapidated-ed-ed-ed.....Wowwwww, that is a REALLY old in-joke that Ventus used to have with her friends...I don't even know what the in-joke was, just that there was one around that word hahaha. I feel loopy. In a good way. the late-night hyper kind of way. I guess that's not very unusual...it is almost 3:00 lol.

Doo-dee-doo...That might be a sign that I should stop nao. Hehe. I has a crush. BLERG. Liz Lemon.

TTFN!

I like

good days like today :) Despite spending altogether far too long working on homework for my theory class, and not practicing as much as I needed to, I ended up feeling like today was a really great day, and I feel like my life could be not as bad as I sometimes think. Well, I know it isn't actually all that bad; I just whine a lot :P

But really, right now my hopes for the future are high, and I thought it would be nice to share that.

If a particular someone is reading this, then perhaps that particular person will be able to figure out that she is one reason why I am happy today :) I hope that continues!

It looks like I might actually get to bed at a (relatively -__-) reasonable time tonight if I shower now and go to sleep. I did not yet look at the conducting excerpt we are supposed to work on tomorrow in class, but....ehhhhh. Lol.

Ah! I freaking LOVE days on which I feel productive and awesome even when I wasn't actually productive! Go, me! Winning at life and all. For now. :P Aaaaand there's the late night hyperness, oh joy.

TTFN!

EDIT: On a somewhat unrelated note, I remembered I was going to briefly mention the fact that I think I realized today, the level of cuteness a girl possesses seems to be much more important in my attraction to her than the level of hotness. I mean that sincerely. I mean if a girl's got both then great ;) but I often find myself much more attracted to women that can be cute and silly than to women who just have stunning looks going for them. And I don't mean that I think physically attractive women aren't cute, or that cute women aren't physically attractive. I guess I'm trying to say that, in the popular sense of the term physically attractive, I don't necessarily gravitate toward "hot" women as much. It seems that when I start getting to know a girl and I think that her personality is really cute and fun, it actually literally makes her look more beautiful than other girls, in my opinion. If that's the case, then I suppose it actually would sort of render my opinion of physical attractiveness somewhat moot, since it isn't an objective opinion, but one very influenced by emotions and the like. This is very difficult to properly wrap words around and explain, lol. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder? That sort of grasps the concept, but I feel like there's an opposing connotation to that that suggests that some women are less attractive than others, and only look more attractive to specific people. I dunno, this is getting way off course haha. Everyone is unique and beautiful in their own way. There!

This does seem like an important facet of myself about which to have learned, and it does seem to explain a few things ^_^

Ya know...

I should really figure out this whole lack of sleep thing. I deem myself somewhat clever by referring to myself as an insomniac. But really, I am not. I do not experience a physical inability to sleep (unless we're talking about difficulty sleeping alone...that's a different story). I just....choose not to sleep, because I'm bored. That doesn't even make sense. But it's like I really don't care about going to bed on time. And my class schedule this semester isn't helping, because Monday Wednesday and Friday I don't have anything class-wise until after noon, so I can stay up ridiculously late and still get more than 5 hours of sleep on three of my five school nights in the week. Not that I necessarily have to have around 5 hours of sleep. I've functioned perfectly normally on only 2 or 3 occasionally, and just as commonly, I function normally on over 10 hours of sleep. I guess I don't really know what my prime sleeping length is. Maybe if I figured that out and started adhering to it I would start being able to get up in the morning more easily without setting four different alarms...Hmmm.

Also, every time I listen to the band Symphony X, I really, really want to like them, so much...They have a high level of musicianship and everything...but I never ever have felt a connection to it. I am listening to the latest album Iconoclast right now, and I just realized I think I've given it a listen before, but NONE of the music sounds familiar to me. At all. I'm the kind of person that knows when I've heard a song before, even if only once. And I distinctly remember giving this album a listen, but I distinctly do not remember any of this melodic material or structure. I recognized a song title. That's sad. Oh well. I'm doing pretty alright with all the other new-ish music I've been discovering recently. Tonight now feels like a pretty good chance to spend some time with my personal oldie, Blackwater Park by Opeth ^_^

I've been realizing recently that I really thrive on making other people happy. And I don't mean that in some high and mighty sense, like I think I'm super altruistic or anything like that. In a way I'm actually incredibly selfish, because it makes me feel really good inside when I know I've influenced others in a really positive way or made them happy, and I am constantly yearning for that feeling inside myself. By the same token, it also isn't the case that I Don't care about others. I care about and love my close friends more than anything and their well-being is extremely important to me. It's just a symbiotic relationship, I suppose. That is what symbiotic means, right? Well, anywho. That is not a word. I don't know why I've taken to using it lately. English language ftw! Latin was so much better.

I appear to be scatterbrained. Interesting! That's most certainly never happened before... <_<          >_> I think I probably need rest. Buuuuut I honestly feel like just rambling on on here....unfortunately that is making this blog post (characteristically) too long already. Damn.

I need a cuddle buddy. I'm needy. I'm so needy. It's kind of ridiculous, almost laughable sometimes. I think I've actually laughed out loud at myself on occasion, when I realized how ridiculously needy I can be. Other times I've gotten really upset about it because Dove would point out something I do/did that bothered her. Meh. I don't want to go in that direction right now. I dwell on the past enough as it is. It's all about the Future! Unless of course you happen to have a TARDIS handy, in which case it's all about all of time all the time. That was confusing. Bravo, me!

I actually try to believe in the philosophy of living life in the present. The here and the now is the only moment in time that we can actually physically experience as human beings. Whether more dimensions of the universe exist out there that we haven't discovered, we'll probably never know, and that's ok. Mostly. I think life is a journey of learning to accept the fact that you can't change the way time flows around you, and that you are going to die someday, and, more importantly, that your death could arrive at any moment. Perhaps when you're 70; maybe when you're 40; maybe tomorrow. Maybe five minutes from now you'll drop dead of a heart attack. Or some strange phenomenon no one on the planet has ever heard of before. Maybe you'll live to be 150. No one knows. At least, no one knows these things, given that we accept today's modern scientific views and boundaries. It is of course possible that someone can know these things, just as it is possible that our laws of physics have got it all horribly wrong.

I am one of those who struggles with the concept of death. I'm afraid of it. It scares me. It scares me....to death. Hahahaha bad pun.... :/ But honestly. It is my greatest fear. I suppose that reveals that my true nature is a selfish one....even at the height of my happiest times with Dove, my own death was still my greatest fear, not her death. I think a lot of people truly are like that deep down inside, but they lie to others, and themselves, about it, to make themselves feel better. It's understandable. But I try not to. I am open about this fact about myself. I fear my own death. And that makes me a selfish person.

Sigh. There went that train of thought. I have been sitting staring at the screen singing along to the music for the past about 10 minutes. Oh, me. This is quickly spiraling. I should leave now.

Must...leave...gah...cannot....Blerg. I feel like Liz Lemon every time I say blerg. Hahaha that show was awesome. Sad that it's gone :( But I have the Doctor now! And will for a very (very) long time, since I am working my way through all twenty six original seasons now...and I'm not even done with the first one. Twenty Six. So many.

Ok I'm really going to sleep now I promise.

TTFN!

Yesterday was Valentine's Day

The first time in three years that I've been alone on Valentine's Day. Which in itself sucked, but actually the day wasn't so bad. It was another one of those days where I felt very productive due to running in the morning again (this seems to be turning into a trend for me!), and I spent three and a half hours talking with a friend in Freebirds about all kinds of nerdy TV shows and books, which was unexpected and fun. I don't think I even still realized it was Valentine's Day at that point, which is probably good.

I actually intended to write this post last night because I am sure I was going to say all kinds of depressing crap about Her. But then I randomly fell asleep at midnight, which pretty much never happens anymore. So, I didn't. However, I did have a pretty depressing dream, among other very strange dreams that I do not remember. Also I should mention at this point that I am going to refer to "her" as Dove.

I don't remember too many details from this dream, but the main point is that Dove and I tried to get back together. She was still living somewhere other than here in her hometown, so for whatever reason I traveled to her and that's when we were going to start dating again. I don't remember if I knew in the dream whether I asked her to try again or if she asked me. So I get to wherever the hell this place is (I didn't recognize anything that I can remember) and she is busy doing all kinds of stuff so I don't get to see her right away. When I finally do she only has a few minutes to talk before going to do something else, so she asked me if I could pick her up at some specific place at 1:45. Weird that I remember the time but not the place...Anyway, I agreed to pick her up then, and then I just went somewhere to do things while waiting to pick her up. At this point I do not remember at all what I was doing, but I do remember that I completely forgot about Dove and having to pick her up, as in I didn't even remember that I was in this place Because of Dove. Then it was like 4:00 or something and I remembered that I didn't pick Dove up.

In retrospect it's weird that she hadn't called me or texted me to ask where I was, I can't remember if there was an explanation for that in the dream...So, I go to her place of residence (wherever that was) and she was just livid at me, and basically we had a huge fight and then I think I moved on to a different dream, or maybe woke up temporarily. Once I was awake later in the morning and I remembered the dream, it really made me feel awful because it reminds me how, early on in our relationship, she used to get mad that I didn't think of her enough and that I was too selfish. It was never anything as bad as completely forgetting that she needed to be picked up, but she definitely got upset with me about a few things. It also made me run through the emotions I would experience if Dove and I actually did get back together in real life, which was really just very strange and confusing. As far as I know there is absolutely no chance of us getting back together, even though I guess I don't consider myself completely over her yet, sometimes. I dunno.

Life can be dumb.

Oh I got my first jury summons today! My mom got it at their address, then mailed it to me and I just have to fill out the disqualification section since I'm not currently a resident of my hometown. Shweetness!

Well I'll leave this here for now, so until next time, TTFN!

Today was an excellent day

And it is really a relief to say that. My super awesome days can be few and far between, in recent times. Although, I really reeeeally could use one of those super deep, super painful back massages tonight, just to get all these kinks and knots out. I don't have back problems, but (partially due to my height and posture, I'm sure) I do have a lot of trouble ever fully relaxing most of my upper body throughout the day, and so I'm just sort of used to this feeling of wishing I could have a massage every night. Anyway!

Today I:

• went to all my classes on time
• didn't have to conduct in Instrumental Conducting ;)
• went for a run completely around the school campus (in the MORNING O.o), about 2.3 miles in 20 minutes. Calves are slightly sore but nothing out of the ordinary
• had a hot shower in the middle of the day after running (I NEVER shower in the middle of the day)
• had three full meals at regular times!
• learned about the concerto grosso form in Form/Analysis (Form/Anal...lol)
• had a banana-nut Costco muffin for dessert after lunch while enjoying my fellow musicians' company
• felt more prepared for wind ensemble rehearsal than a fair number of my band-mates, which means I'm keeping on top of my practicing relatively well, though seeing that the bari sax part is almost always ten times easier than any other woodwind part, that really isn't that impressive haha
• messed around with some friends, logging back in to Myspace and friend requesting each other, and reading all our ridiculous old posts and comments and pictures from high school and before :P
• had delightful pizza for dinner from Costco with aforementioned friends
• got really pissed off at Halo 4 with my best gaming bud for several hours (in fact we enjoy doing this)
• generally felt really productive, and happy with where my life is

Arguably, this was one of the best days I've had in several months. I can now feel the regular late-/end-of-night introspection and analysis creeping into my brain though, so I figured I'd share it while it still lasted!

Now, not to be a Debbie-downer on all of that awesomeness...but having a day like this makes me remember things that it doesn't make sense for me to remember at this time. Why should enjoying myself, for once, force me to think about memories from the past that cut into the present like a knife through butter? It doesn't seem fair. This is the only explanation I've come up with so far: despite enjoying myself and having a great time, in my head, it still is not as good as the good times were with her. Before it all spiraled downhill, before she left for her grad program...Those seriously were the happiest days of my life. I've never loved, or been loved by, someone so completely and fully as I did/was during that first year, and this time I really don't know how I can truly move on with my life. It's been about 2.5 months since things were officially over between us. It wasn't a violent break up, or even particularly awful, I suppose, compared to a lot of stories I have heard. Hell, it was a goddamn mutual break up, despite the fact that at heart I most certainly did not want to let go, not then, not ever. The levels of commitment I had established in my mind and heart were just so huge and positive, and even, so I thought, unbreakable. But that all came crashing down in a matter of hours. I'm not going to go into that now. I don't disbelieve that I can handle explaining everything that happened, but I know that doing so will plunge my mind and heart back into every single emotion I experienced throughout the month of November, and that is something I'm simply not willing to do tonight. 

Interjection....OH MY GOD I hate my eyelashes sometimes. No, make that on a very regular and frequent basis. It tends to make the women-folk happy that I have long pretty eyelashes, for whatever reason, but good lord they suck to deal with...I'd say at least three eyelashes fall into one of my eyes every single day. And if there's not a mirror around I will be prone to losing my shit. Ok. Now that's out of the way.

I think I'll stop talking about all of that right here. Partially for the previously mentioned reason, and also because this song just finished playing while I was writing this stuff about her, and I'd rather let something cheer me up a little than just get more sad about the fact that having a good day makes me sad.

On that note, I bid thee farewell. Allons-y!

So, I started a blog...

That's interesting. The closest I've ever come to writing a blog before in my life was when I used Myspace back in the day, and those were few and far between. Other than that, I have occasionally posted the lyrics I write on my Myspace or (later on) Facebook. For clarification here...I do not actively have a Myspace account. Yes, it exists out there in the internets, yes my name is on it...no, it has not been updated in years. I haven't deleted it because I enjoy being nostalgic, and I'm far too lazy to copy all of the messages which I consider important to my life into a Word document or some such thing. Now that that's out of the way. Here we are...in my blog...I suppose I can start by explaining my name here, and the title of my blog.

The Spider Monk

This name has an old history behind it, although not a particularly long or interesting story (imo). When I was in middle school and high school, my parents paid for me to go on these week-long camping trips during the summer, which were run by the summer camp at a local private school. The first year during which I attended one of these camps, we went to an area with river-rafting (class 4 rapids, awesome!), hiking, river-walking, etc. On one of the hiking trails we explored, there was quite a large pile of huge boulders that we could scramble all over. The camp leader/counselor (whatever he was called) Eric had us all put on helmets and pretty much go anywhere we wanted in this awesome maze of rocks. I was instantly in love with rock scrambling and such, and still am to this day. I seemed to be the most agile and flexible of the group, and a bunch of the other kids decided to call me a "spider monkey. Not like the actual animal spider monkey, but more like half spider, half monkey."

SO. When I first started playing video games on my dad's Windows 98 laptop (haha), I called myself The Spider Monkey. I thought it was somewhat clever. Then I got my very own Xbox. But generally, games did not allow a name as long as "The Spider Monkey" so I just let it get cut off at "Monk," and of course thus considered myself an evil genius. When I later on got an Xbox 360 and an Xbox Live account, that name carried on, because it was actually available to use. It is still my gamertag to this day, though more than once I have considered changing it to a variety of other names. So thaaat is the story of that name. I told you...not very interesting. And I'm sure I could've told the story in much fewer words. But TOO BAD FOR YOU :)

On the Dark Side of the Moon

This is sort of a collection of a few different interests/things of mine. One is fairly obvious, if you listen to good music...I do very much enjoy myself some Pink Floyd, though usually on a random spur every once in a while. The other meaning behind this title is much more personal.

I have a very very close friend whom I have known for 9+ years now, who lives across the country from me. Henceforth (been waiting my whole life to use that word appropriately...and now I just killed the perfect moment with these parentheses...damn my addiction to asides in parentheses!) I shall refer to her as Ventus (nevermind the masculine ending...). At one point a couple years back, we were talking about some sort of epiphany one of us had had about life, and we got on the subject of our friendship in general and how thankful we were for each other. She told me a little story that I don't need to repeat in full, but essentially it ended with her new nickname for me being The Moon, because I am always there for her no matter what, just like the moon is always going to rise in the sky again no matter what. I later on discussed with her which element of nature always reminded me of her, but I think I'll leave that a mystery for now, gotta have a little intrigue, right?? :P

So, there you have the reasons behind that title. I'll admit there's a part of me that secretly adores the whole dark/kinda-creepy-but-not-really vibe that a title like that gives off...In no way am I trying to say I'm only going to blog about depressing shit happening in my life (though that's bound to happen once or twice) and that is why I like having a dark title. I only like the darkness aspect because, to me, darkness is akin to what is within us. I don't mean that in a bad way. There is a whole lot out there in the world to go and see, and by all means, if you can, do it. Go see the world. But there is a whole other world inside ourselves, waiting to be discovered, just as huge and mysterious, and I think most individuals in today's society do not ever explore that in their lifetimes.

Which brings me around to a (hopefully) brief and simple explanation for why I've started writing this blog. I was inspired by the blogging of someone else, which I have only just started reading. Nearly every post from this person reminded me of how cathartic it is for me (and people like me) to just write. It IS how we get it out of our system. I can talk to my closest friend for hours on end about one topic that is upsetting me or bringing me down, and come away from the conversation not feeling fulfilled at all, or any closer to a solution; but as soon as I sit down at home and write down whatever's on my mind in my journal, I can feel the peace spread through my mind, like little tendrils of calmness. It doesn't always solve the problem, in fact it usually doesn't, but it does help immeasurably, and I've forgotten what satisfaction it can bring to share these experiences with other people. It remains to be seen just how much I will reveal about myself on here. I haven't laid any ground rules, or put any specific situations from my life on a blacklist to never be spoken of here, so I am just going to go with the flow, and see where this goes. Perhaps, too, the knowledge that there might be others out there in the internets, waiting for my next post, will help me write more regularly. Here and in my journal. I also have had a lot of inspiration lately to write new lyrics, which is a pastime I have not frequented for several years now, so if I get any completed chunks down on paper, I will most likely share them here for you all to read!

Damn. Look at this. Even when I'm talking about nothing particularly important, I go on for paragraphs...I think I have a problem. :D Good night!