Welllll Damn....

Tonight is a bit of a downer, honestly, even though I did have a really really wonderful time hanging out with MBD after the concert.

So, to the point. I should have been taking those warning signs more seriously. MBD and I are just going to be friends now, somewhat to my dismay, in all honesty. She had several valid reasons for not wanting to keep dating and moving toward a relationship, which she told me about tonight. But that doesn't make it less of a downer. I think we will be able to stay friends, and if we do we are going to make great friends. But I am now stuck in a situation with which I'm all too familiar: one in which I have leftover feelings for someone who either doesn't return them, or does return them, but won't act on them. I have never ever found a suitable way to get myself out of these "aftermath" situations, because I can't let go of those feelings. And if I remain friends with the person, those feelings tend to grow even though they aren't supposed to. Dammit....

This...

Sigh. It's so beautiful. The great part is that, even though it makes me cry from its beauty, it isn't attached to any one specific situation in my mind at all, so I don't feel any weird extra feelings about it after things in my life have changed, or anything like that. UNlike this, which was mine and Dove's song. I'm sort of over that attachment now, I can listen to that album and not skip the song. But I still sort of have to mentally tune it out when it's playing.

Grrrr my feelings. They're all over the place right now. I should really, seriously just go to sleep. But I don't know if I can sleep. I am needy. This again....now I'm even more needy because that potential future I was looking forward to is gone. aw;0ohuawerf.

Seriously. Sleep it off, buddy...you can do it.

Ttfn, folks.