They said the world was going to end. They said it was written in ancient stone, that it was God's will. The Coming Apocalypse...People talked. They worried. People argued. People spent all their money stocking up on supplies in case they needed to survive in their homes...or, in other cases, people spent all their money on extravagant luxuries because they knew they didn't have long to live. Many doubted it. Many believed it.
They said it would all end on December 21st, 2012. They were wrong.
My world had already ended, when that "apocalypse" came and went with absolutely no consequence.
She took my world away from me the night before Thanksgiving. Well, that's not really fair, if I'm being honest. I guess I am just as much to blame. But everything came down around me. I did manage to come back from it quite a bit more quickly than I would've expected, but the more heavily-hitting repercussions have stayed with me up to and including today, boiling just beneath the surface most of the time.
It's been difficult, and it's been sad. But do you wanna know what else it's been?
It's been enlightening. As tough as it is to truly admit that to myself, I can live a little more easily knowing that I've learned long-lasting lessons, I've grown tremendously as a person, and I've been making myself better. Perhaps I'm not completely through with the healing process yet, or even as far along as I would like to think I am, but that's alright.
My world with her ended, but I'm going to be ok--no, I'm going to be fantastic. I am going to be fantastic, because I am building my own world again. I'm making my own life, my own friends, my own goals, and my own memories.
The world might be ending every single day, for all of us, or for each of us individually. But we can rebuild. I believe that. I hope you do too.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Sugarcoated
I sort of feel like that's what my life is, right now. I've had a really easy semester, I almost 100% have a high-paying job secured for the summer, I am taking it easy, basically....
But there's all this other-ness happening beneath the surface.
Oh....Speaking of those words...... Beneath the Surface (Youtube) or Beneath the Surface (Spotify) if you prefer that. That song is....beautiful. Utterly. But it makes me cry. I'm not ready to share the reason why with the whole world at this point, but know that it means a great deal of very deep things to me. However, that's not quite related to this idea of my life being sugarcoated. Just an aside.
If you didn't already assume, by this point in this post, things with Bee ended up flipping around suddenly and unexpectedly on me, so, now we're just friends, because she doesn't feel ready to have a relationship with anyone. Sound familiar? :/
I don't like being bitter. Sometimes I say or do things and immediately realize Wow, I'm acting incredibly bitter right now. That's a shitty attitude. I should lighten up a bit. But then, I really do feel that way, to some extent, so I can't really bring myself to pretend to feel otherwise. Sometimes I do lighten up, and act happy and go along with whatever's happening. But I usually am able to do that by latching on to superficial pleasures that last only a fleeting few moments of time, and have no real meaning to me personally.
So here's an example. I went to a party tonight, for a friend's birthday and sort of for the end of the semester as well. It was a blast. I won at Twister, got to see a lot of people in one place that I don't normally see all together, I think I successfully mingled with all the crowds at some point or another. That felt good. But then after leaving it's like my whole body and soul just experience a general....wumph, downward. Because I realize, although I genuinely had fun and everything, it was still only distracting my mind from my inner turmoils, not solving anything.
I suppose I should clarify that, I am not implying that my friends (who were at that party) do not mean anything to me. I love my friends. I always feel surprised by how much more I realize how amazing they are, at each segment of my life. Shrink was there and although thoroughly inebriated, I think she could instantly tell that there was something lurking behind my smile and outer happiness, because when I was leaving she made sure to tell me she is always there to talk if I need it. For some reason, at that moment, it really meant a lot to me for her to say that.
This has been a little bit all over the place. I have been so incredibly scatterbrained lately. I can't really pinpoint the exact cause of why, though I expect that it is most likely a result of all the things happening in my life, not just one thing. Like, for the past 2 weeks, (sort of excluding the weekend....but not really) I have performed or worked EVERY single night. By the end of this week I've found myself legitimately scatterbrained, losing my train of thought without realizing it...it's weird. Having to work that much while trying to deal with all the emotional stuff that keeps happening in my brain takes its toll, I guess. I feel like I'm procrastinating my whole life.
What I just said to a friend about things....I feel like I know exactly what I want, but I can't figure out the right way to get a hold of it.
I think it's time to end this one for now, folks.
Ttfn.
But there's all this other-ness happening beneath the surface.
Oh....Speaking of those words...... Beneath the Surface (Youtube) or Beneath the Surface (Spotify) if you prefer that. That song is....beautiful. Utterly. But it makes me cry. I'm not ready to share the reason why with the whole world at this point, but know that it means a great deal of very deep things to me. However, that's not quite related to this idea of my life being sugarcoated. Just an aside.
If you didn't already assume, by this point in this post, things with Bee ended up flipping around suddenly and unexpectedly on me, so, now we're just friends, because she doesn't feel ready to have a relationship with anyone. Sound familiar? :/
I don't like being bitter. Sometimes I say or do things and immediately realize Wow, I'm acting incredibly bitter right now. That's a shitty attitude. I should lighten up a bit. But then, I really do feel that way, to some extent, so I can't really bring myself to pretend to feel otherwise. Sometimes I do lighten up, and act happy and go along with whatever's happening. But I usually am able to do that by latching on to superficial pleasures that last only a fleeting few moments of time, and have no real meaning to me personally.
So here's an example. I went to a party tonight, for a friend's birthday and sort of for the end of the semester as well. It was a blast. I won at Twister, got to see a lot of people in one place that I don't normally see all together, I think I successfully mingled with all the crowds at some point or another. That felt good. But then after leaving it's like my whole body and soul just experience a general....wumph, downward. Because I realize, although I genuinely had fun and everything, it was still only distracting my mind from my inner turmoils, not solving anything.
I suppose I should clarify that, I am not implying that my friends (who were at that party) do not mean anything to me. I love my friends. I always feel surprised by how much more I realize how amazing they are, at each segment of my life. Shrink was there and although thoroughly inebriated, I think she could instantly tell that there was something lurking behind my smile and outer happiness, because when I was leaving she made sure to tell me she is always there to talk if I need it. For some reason, at that moment, it really meant a lot to me for her to say that.
This has been a little bit all over the place. I have been so incredibly scatterbrained lately. I can't really pinpoint the exact cause of why, though I expect that it is most likely a result of all the things happening in my life, not just one thing. Like, for the past 2 weeks, (sort of excluding the weekend....but not really) I have performed or worked EVERY single night. By the end of this week I've found myself legitimately scatterbrained, losing my train of thought without realizing it...it's weird. Having to work that much while trying to deal with all the emotional stuff that keeps happening in my brain takes its toll, I guess. I feel like I'm procrastinating my whole life.
What I just said to a friend about things....I feel like I know exactly what I want, but I can't figure out the right way to get a hold of it.
I think it's time to end this one for now, folks.
Ttfn.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Excitement! Mystery! Intrigue!
Well, sort of...But I figure it's time to write me up anudder wunna deez.... <--- What? Why did I think it was a good idea to type that way?............
Sooooooooo things have progressed right along with Bee! A part of me was truthfully surprised that things actually started working out. She just seemed like the kind of girl who would've never been interested in me, but here we are!
We have been hanging out pretty regularly for the past...two weeks, ish, or so? I guess more like three weeks. And talking and stuff. And then this past Sunday we went on a real, official, first date :) Just the basics, we went to dinner and a movie, which was totally fine by me. The movie was HYAMASZINGH, and we held hands and it was cute :P (I'm omitting some small details which I might not normally omit, because those of you who don't know who Bee is are not supposed to find out yet, and you might put clues together!).
Well I guess there's not that much else to say about the date itself. It was really really fun and enjoyable, and I am definitely looking forward to our next one (which is tentatively planned at this point). I think things are going to continue proceeding really well, and that makes me really happy :)
She's a really wonderful woman. Ok I picked one feature of her to talk about, just now, so that I don't just suddenly flood this post with a million tiny reasons why she's awesome...haha. Her eyes. They are amazing! I haven't quite gotten a really good close look at them yet, but they are basically a light blue-ish color in the center of the iris, and on the outside they have a darker circle of blue (ish) all the way around! It's so cool. It's like...those spinning spiral pictures that aren't actually spinning...sort of like that but wayyy better. Super super pretty :)
Ok. I shall be done talking for now. Mrrrrrr sleep is dumb....Doctor Whooooooooooooooo! :DDDD
TTFN!
Sooooooooo things have progressed right along with Bee! A part of me was truthfully surprised that things actually started working out. She just seemed like the kind of girl who would've never been interested in me, but here we are!
We have been hanging out pretty regularly for the past...two weeks, ish, or so? I guess more like three weeks. And talking and stuff. And then this past Sunday we went on a real, official, first date :) Just the basics, we went to dinner and a movie, which was totally fine by me. The movie was HYAMASZINGH, and we held hands and it was cute :P (I'm omitting some small details which I might not normally omit, because those of you who don't know who Bee is are not supposed to find out yet, and you might put clues together!).
Well I guess there's not that much else to say about the date itself. It was really really fun and enjoyable, and I am definitely looking forward to our next one (which is tentatively planned at this point). I think things are going to continue proceeding really well, and that makes me really happy :)
She's a really wonderful woman. Ok I picked one feature of her to talk about, just now, so that I don't just suddenly flood this post with a million tiny reasons why she's awesome...haha. Her eyes. They are amazing! I haven't quite gotten a really good close look at them yet, but they are basically a light blue-ish color in the center of the iris, and on the outside they have a darker circle of blue (ish) all the way around! It's so cool. It's like...those spinning spiral pictures that aren't actually spinning...sort of like that but wayyy better. Super super pretty :)
Ok. I shall be done talking for now. Mrrrrrr sleep is dumb....Doctor Whooooooooooooooo! :DDDD
TTFN!
Friday, May 3, 2013
Doctor Who minipiphany
Like that? Minipiphany...Mini-epiphany. I'm brilliant.
Anyway. I just posted a fan comment on a Doctor Who picture in response to someone else with whom I disagreed quite a bit, and as I was explaining my point, I think I just hit home on a huge reason why I like 10 more than 11, and one that has nothing to do with my opinions of Moffat or Matt Smith himself or the writing quality or anything. Just the true character of the 11th Doctor. Here it is.
Both 10 and 11 are very goofy Doctors, albeit in their very own very special ways :P Initially, when I started series 5, I just felt like 11 was an imitation of the goofiness of 10. I tried to chalk it up to poor acting choices, or poor writing choices, etc...but it just always nagged me because it felt weird. Through these 3 series with Matt Smith I have grown much more fond of his Doctor anyway, but that was one thing that never truly settled with me. Now I've figured it out (remember, this is my personal opinion). I think that when 10 is being goofy, it's because that's legitimately in his nature. He just has a goofy personality in general, and he loves to Ooh and Ahh at all the little things in life and he likes to be enveloped in the splendor of the universe. I feel like when 11 is being goofy, it's because he's trying to put on a bit of a facade to others (and possibly to himself) in order to hide all the darkness and sadness inside him. 11 definitely has quirkiness built into his personality, no question. But actual silliness and goofiness...I feel like that is his front that he puts on, because deep down he is just a very troubled man who is not at peace with himself.
I'm not sure if that made entire sense, but it has made me respect the 11th Doctor much more, just because I feel like I understand why he can be so similar to 10, almost to the point of feeling like imitation, but still be so completely different.
:)
TTFN!
Anyway. I just posted a fan comment on a Doctor Who picture in response to someone else with whom I disagreed quite a bit, and as I was explaining my point, I think I just hit home on a huge reason why I like 10 more than 11, and one that has nothing to do with my opinions of Moffat or Matt Smith himself or the writing quality or anything. Just the true character of the 11th Doctor. Here it is.
Both 10 and 11 are very goofy Doctors, albeit in their very own very special ways :P Initially, when I started series 5, I just felt like 11 was an imitation of the goofiness of 10. I tried to chalk it up to poor acting choices, or poor writing choices, etc...but it just always nagged me because it felt weird. Through these 3 series with Matt Smith I have grown much more fond of his Doctor anyway, but that was one thing that never truly settled with me. Now I've figured it out (remember, this is my personal opinion). I think that when 10 is being goofy, it's because that's legitimately in his nature. He just has a goofy personality in general, and he loves to Ooh and Ahh at all the little things in life and he likes to be enveloped in the splendor of the universe. I feel like when 11 is being goofy, it's because he's trying to put on a bit of a facade to others (and possibly to himself) in order to hide all the darkness and sadness inside him. 11 definitely has quirkiness built into his personality, no question. But actual silliness and goofiness...I feel like that is his front that he puts on, because deep down he is just a very troubled man who is not at peace with himself.
I'm not sure if that made entire sense, but it has made me respect the 11th Doctor much more, just because I feel like I understand why he can be so similar to 10, almost to the point of feeling like imitation, but still be so completely different.
:)
TTFN!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
New friends!
So I've been continuing my extension into the more social aspect of college life and it has still been rewarding so far. Last Saturday night I stayed up until about 4:30, with several "new" friends at their house, and it was wayyyyy fun! The only weird down-ish side is that I'm beginning to enjoy the company of all these people and then I look back at the past four years of my life and wonder why I've never become friends with these people before.
Well, I know the answer, really. I gave myself completely to Dove. I don't regret that. And the next time I get into a serious relationship, I will again fully give myself to whomever it may be. But this next time I'll be able to do it with slightly more wisdom, I'd like to think. We shall see.
Speaking of relationships, things didn't pan out in that way with Thorn, nor with Shrink. I am now just close friends with both of them, and generally everyone is happy. Lol. And, hey, guess what, there's yet another new interest....I guess I am kinda on a roll, huh? Well, if I am, then I wish I weren't. I'd prefer to find a good one and stop there. But I suppose it's at least a little bit good that I'm not having attachment issues with each new potential interest, the way I would've pre-Dove. This new interest, I shall call her....Bee. Hmmm...yeah, what the heck. If she reads this blog then she'll probably get that reference and realize I'm talking about her, and as far as I know, she hasn't yet realized I'm interested. Though that is likely to change tomorrow. If things go as planned. MWAHAHAHAHA. Ahem. Excuse me, there. But I don't think that she will read this post, or that she even knows I write a blog. Perhaps I'll tell her, as part of my evil plan! Nahhhh.
Anyway. Bee. Hmmm....I'm kind of too tired to describe her much, but she's also sort of one of these "new friend" types that I'm just starting to get to know, and it happens that I'm feeling an interest further than friendship in her. Based on our interactions so far, I'd (objectively) say it's plausible that she is interested in me as well, but it's also just as plausible that the signs I'm taking as an interest really are just gestures of wanting to become really good friends. Soooo it's that kind of situation, right now. Which is a little bit frustrating. But weeee shall see what happens tomorrow, if anything....those of you reading who already know about this person, I bet you can't even guess what my "plan" is. Hehe. It's pretty simple really. But you'll find out soon enough. If it turns out she holds no interest in me whatsoever I might be a bit disappointed about putting the...effort into my simple plan that I did, but oh well. Life is about risk! Yeah! Wish me luck in my endeavors!!
Ohhhh it's probably time to sleep. Conducting in the morning YESSS so much FUN wait, that's wrong NAHT FUHN mhmmm sleepy time.
TTFN!
Well, I know the answer, really. I gave myself completely to Dove. I don't regret that. And the next time I get into a serious relationship, I will again fully give myself to whomever it may be. But this next time I'll be able to do it with slightly more wisdom, I'd like to think. We shall see.
Speaking of relationships, things didn't pan out in that way with Thorn, nor with Shrink. I am now just close friends with both of them, and generally everyone is happy. Lol. And, hey, guess what, there's yet another new interest....I guess I am kinda on a roll, huh? Well, if I am, then I wish I weren't. I'd prefer to find a good one and stop there. But I suppose it's at least a little bit good that I'm not having attachment issues with each new potential interest, the way I would've pre-Dove. This new interest, I shall call her....Bee. Hmmm...yeah, what the heck. If she reads this blog then she'll probably get that reference and realize I'm talking about her, and as far as I know, she hasn't yet realized I'm interested. Though that is likely to change tomorrow. If things go as planned. MWAHAHAHAHA. Ahem. Excuse me, there. But I don't think that she will read this post, or that she even knows I write a blog. Perhaps I'll tell her, as part of my evil plan! Nahhhh.
Anyway. Bee. Hmmm....I'm kind of too tired to describe her much, but she's also sort of one of these "new friend" types that I'm just starting to get to know, and it happens that I'm feeling an interest further than friendship in her. Based on our interactions so far, I'd (objectively) say it's plausible that she is interested in me as well, but it's also just as plausible that the signs I'm taking as an interest really are just gestures of wanting to become really good friends. Soooo it's that kind of situation, right now. Which is a little bit frustrating. But weeee shall see what happens tomorrow, if anything....those of you reading who already know about this person, I bet you can't even guess what my "plan" is. Hehe. It's pretty simple really. But you'll find out soon enough. If it turns out she holds no interest in me whatsoever I might be a bit disappointed about putting the...effort into my simple plan that I did, but oh well. Life is about risk! Yeah! Wish me luck in my endeavors!!
Ohhhh it's probably time to sleep. Conducting in the morning YESSS so much FUN wait, that's wrong NAHT FUHN mhmmm sleepy time.
TTFN!
Monday, April 15, 2013
Interesting things are happening...
Mrrr, I'm not exactly sure how to feel about what I've been thinking lately. Inversely, I'm not sure what to think about how I've been feeling lately.
See what I did there?
I'm a clever boy.
Well, focused as I tend to be on this aspect of my life, I'll just out with it. New romantic interest(s), I do have (I'm Yoda?).
It's been a long time since I experienced the sensation of liking more than one girl at the same time (mostly just because it's been a long time since I was single before Dove), and it was confusing me a decent amount when I first realized that that is what's happening. I came to an internal resolution about it, though, which made me much more at peace with the fact that these multiple feelings can exist.
So, one interest, to whom I shall refer as....hmmmmmm. Maybe...no. Shrink! Ok. She is now Shrink. Lol. Nooooo one is going to get that except her ^_^ So, Shrink and I recently started becoming more active friends, and we've been hanging out somewhat regularly and getting to know each other for the first time, even though we've been at school together for 4 years. As we started talking more and hanging out we developed a particular dynamic between the two of us, and it was kiiiiind of flirtatious, but at the same time, not blatantly obvious enough for me to be like "Whoa she's definitely flirting with me." So I wasn't sure if I really did like her or I just wanted to get to be really good friends with her. After a while I decided I would put slightly more focus on actually flirting with her, just to see where things would go (if anywhere) and we did come to a point where she said something like "I think you are flirting with me!" and I openly acknowledged it. So we discussed it, like I always end up doing :P She said she hadn't been flirting with me, but is open to the idea of dating and basically just letting us get to know each other better; however she also said she doesn't want anything to happen that will mess up our friendship, especially since it's such a new one. So I am interested in her now, and the more I get to know her, the more intriguing she is to me, but we'll see if she does want anything more than friendship in the long run. I think having a relationship with her could be really fun and good for me and us, if things lead to that, but honestly if we only end up as friends, I would not be particularly distraught at this point, because she is a wonderful quirky friend that I am happy to have had enter my life :)
Another (newer) interest, whom I shall call Thorn (which has no relation to anything about her at all except for a really really random minor thing), kinda has the same story at this point: we've just started getting to know each other, and there may be more than friendship lurking in the possibilities. In this case, though, it seems that she is more evidently displaying interest in me than Shrink. Again, what I'm interpreting as interest could just be a lot of effort put into becoming good friends, but I have more of a gut feeling that Thorn is romantically interested in me. Or at least, maybe, she is exploring that possibility but isn't entirely sure about it yet. Hrmm. We shall see, I suppose!
There actually are a couple other vaguely possible interests of mine, but for the most part I get the vibe that they aren't romantically interested in me at all, and because of that I actually find it difficult to push along my feelings any further than the general thought of "Maybe if she shows interest in me some day in the future I'll revisit that possibility." This is actually a stark contrast to how I used to handle romantic interests before Dove. I was, first of all, absolutely horrible at noticing when a girl was definitely not interested in me. So if I decided I liked a girl, and she didn't return that sentiment, I would unfortunately stick with it to the bitter end until I had pushed her away so far that even friendship was out of the question, hoping desperately that she would change her mind. Now, if I can't see any possible interest from her, I pretty much won't even allow myself to feel further than a very mild casual interest. I haven't really directly realized that change in myself until this very moment. That feels good!
And, MBD is still lingering in the back of my mind as a potential option if things ever change for her...But things have really kinda taken a turn down a different path than I would've thought, even within the mold of friendship, so my feelings for her actually dropped off significantly, recently, which was a little bit surprising. But I don't feel like getting into that here. I have to leave something for my personal journal, right?
Ha. Well I need to get to sleep--grr, I still have to shower first too. I don't have school obligations until 1:30 pm tomorrow (or today), but I'm hanging out with someone at 10:30 or 11:00 am, so I actually have to get myself up in the morning! :P
TTFN, folks!
See what I did there?
I'm a clever boy.
Well, focused as I tend to be on this aspect of my life, I'll just out with it. New romantic interest(s), I do have (I'm Yoda?).
It's been a long time since I experienced the sensation of liking more than one girl at the same time (mostly just because it's been a long time since I was single before Dove), and it was confusing me a decent amount when I first realized that that is what's happening. I came to an internal resolution about it, though, which made me much more at peace with the fact that these multiple feelings can exist.
So, one interest, to whom I shall refer as....hmmmmmm. Maybe...no. Shrink! Ok. She is now Shrink. Lol. Nooooo one is going to get that except her ^_^ So, Shrink and I recently started becoming more active friends, and we've been hanging out somewhat regularly and getting to know each other for the first time, even though we've been at school together for 4 years. As we started talking more and hanging out we developed a particular dynamic between the two of us, and it was kiiiiind of flirtatious, but at the same time, not blatantly obvious enough for me to be like "Whoa she's definitely flirting with me." So I wasn't sure if I really did like her or I just wanted to get to be really good friends with her. After a while I decided I would put slightly more focus on actually flirting with her, just to see where things would go (if anywhere) and we did come to a point where she said something like "I think you are flirting with me!" and I openly acknowledged it. So we discussed it, like I always end up doing :P She said she hadn't been flirting with me, but is open to the idea of dating and basically just letting us get to know each other better; however she also said she doesn't want anything to happen that will mess up our friendship, especially since it's such a new one. So I am interested in her now, and the more I get to know her, the more intriguing she is to me, but we'll see if she does want anything more than friendship in the long run. I think having a relationship with her could be really fun and good for me and us, if things lead to that, but honestly if we only end up as friends, I would not be particularly distraught at this point, because she is a wonderful quirky friend that I am happy to have had enter my life :)
Another (newer) interest, whom I shall call Thorn (which has no relation to anything about her at all except for a really really random minor thing), kinda has the same story at this point: we've just started getting to know each other, and there may be more than friendship lurking in the possibilities. In this case, though, it seems that she is more evidently displaying interest in me than Shrink. Again, what I'm interpreting as interest could just be a lot of effort put into becoming good friends, but I have more of a gut feeling that Thorn is romantically interested in me. Or at least, maybe, she is exploring that possibility but isn't entirely sure about it yet. Hrmm. We shall see, I suppose!
There actually are a couple other vaguely possible interests of mine, but for the most part I get the vibe that they aren't romantically interested in me at all, and because of that I actually find it difficult to push along my feelings any further than the general thought of "Maybe if she shows interest in me some day in the future I'll revisit that possibility." This is actually a stark contrast to how I used to handle romantic interests before Dove. I was, first of all, absolutely horrible at noticing when a girl was definitely not interested in me. So if I decided I liked a girl, and she didn't return that sentiment, I would unfortunately stick with it to the bitter end until I had pushed her away so far that even friendship was out of the question, hoping desperately that she would change her mind. Now, if I can't see any possible interest from her, I pretty much won't even allow myself to feel further than a very mild casual interest. I haven't really directly realized that change in myself until this very moment. That feels good!
And, MBD is still lingering in the back of my mind as a potential option if things ever change for her...But things have really kinda taken a turn down a different path than I would've thought, even within the mold of friendship, so my feelings for her actually dropped off significantly, recently, which was a little bit surprising. But I don't feel like getting into that here. I have to leave something for my personal journal, right?
Ha. Well I need to get to sleep--grr, I still have to shower first too. I don't have school obligations until 1:30 pm tomorrow (or today), but I'm hanging out with someone at 10:30 or 11:00 am, so I actually have to get myself up in the morning! :P
TTFN, folks!
Saturday, April 13, 2013
My favorite keyboard working again!!!
I really don't have a reason to write this post at all other than I just got my favorite Saitek gaming keyboard working properly again and I LOOOOOOVE typing on it!! Ahhhhhh....It's so much more comfortable. The keys have just the right amount of action, but a relatively soft rebound, so it's kind of like typing on a laptop keyboard but with full-sized keys instead of those stupid flat ones. I LOVE IT SO MUCH.....Ok I think I can stop now :P Sorry if I'm in love with my keyboard. :D
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