Mrrr, I'm not exactly sure how to feel about what I've been thinking lately. Inversely, I'm not sure what to think about how I've been feeling lately.
See what I did there?
I'm a clever boy.
Well, focused as I tend to be on this aspect of my life, I'll just out with it. New romantic interest(s), I do have (I'm Yoda?).
It's been a long time since I experienced the sensation of liking more than one girl at the same time (mostly just because it's been a long time since I was single before Dove), and it was confusing me a decent amount when I first realized that that is what's happening. I came to an internal resolution about it, though, which made me much more at peace with the fact that these multiple feelings can exist.
So, one interest, to whom I shall refer as....hmmmmmm. Maybe...no. Shrink! Ok. She is now Shrink. Lol. Nooooo one is going to get that except her ^_^ So, Shrink and I recently started becoming more active friends, and we've been hanging out somewhat regularly and getting to know each other for the first time, even though we've been at school together for 4 years. As we started talking more and hanging out we developed a particular dynamic between the two of us, and it was kiiiiind of flirtatious, but at the same time, not blatantly obvious enough for me to be like "Whoa she's definitely flirting with me." So I wasn't sure if I really did like her or I just wanted to get to be really good friends with her. After a while I decided I would put slightly more focus on actually flirting with her, just to see where things would go (if anywhere) and we did come to a point where she said something like "I think you are flirting with me!" and I openly acknowledged it. So we discussed it, like I always end up doing :P She said she hadn't been flirting with me, but is open to the idea of dating and basically just letting us get to know each other better; however she also said she doesn't want anything to happen that will mess up our friendship, especially since it's such a new one. So I am interested in her now, and the more I get to know her, the more intriguing she is to me, but we'll see if she does want anything more than friendship in the long run. I think having a relationship with her could be really fun and good for me and us, if things lead to that, but honestly if we only end up as friends, I would not be particularly distraught at this point, because she is a wonderful quirky friend that I am happy to have had enter my life :)
Another (newer) interest, whom I shall call Thorn (which has no relation to anything about her at all except for a really really random minor thing), kinda has the same story at this point: we've just started getting to know each other, and there may be more than friendship lurking in the possibilities. In this case, though, it seems that she is more evidently displaying interest in me than Shrink. Again, what I'm interpreting as interest could just be a lot of effort put into becoming good friends, but I have more of a gut feeling that Thorn is romantically interested in me. Or at least, maybe, she is exploring that possibility but isn't entirely sure about it yet. Hrmm. We shall see, I suppose!
There actually are a couple other vaguely possible interests of mine, but for the most part I get the vibe that they aren't romantically interested in me at all, and because of that I actually find it difficult to push along my feelings any further than the general thought of "Maybe if she shows interest in me some day in the future I'll revisit that possibility." This is actually a stark contrast to how I used to handle romantic interests before Dove. I was, first of all, absolutely horrible at noticing when a girl was definitely not interested in me. So if I decided I liked a girl, and she didn't return that sentiment, I would unfortunately stick with it to the bitter end until I had pushed her away so far that even friendship was out of the question, hoping desperately that she would change her mind. Now, if I can't see any possible interest from her, I pretty much won't even allow myself to feel further than a very mild casual interest. I haven't really directly realized that change in myself until this very moment. That feels good!
And, MBD is still lingering in the back of my mind as a potential option if things ever change for her...But things have really kinda taken a turn down a different path than I would've thought, even within the mold of friendship, so my feelings for her actually dropped off significantly, recently, which was a little bit surprising. But I don't feel like getting into that here. I have to leave something for my personal journal, right?
Ha. Well I need to get to sleep--grr, I still have to shower first too. I don't have school obligations until 1:30 pm tomorrow (or today), but I'm hanging out with someone at 10:30 or 11:00 am, so I actually have to get myself up in the morning! :P
TTFN, folks!
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